


i'm not here looking for absolution

by murakamism



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bloodthirsty Eren, Codependency, Dark, M/M, Mafia Levi, Mentioned Character Death, black and white morality, contains violence, some parts are sweet i guess, they love each other but, they're both monsters, werewolf Eren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-04-30
Packaged: 2018-03-26 11:40:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3849583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murakamism/pseuds/murakamism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren loves everything about a fresh kill. He needs to learn more control, Levi says, but Eren loves the high, loves the scent and the taste and loves, loves Levi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm not here looking for absolution

**Author's Note:**

> i just wanted to write something dark and powerful monstrous eren who only submits to levi is my WEAKNESS. title is from "bedroom hymns" by florence + the machine. i kind of regret writing this and might delete it this weekend idk
> 
> please heed the warnings!

The first time Levi tastes blood on a human tongue he almost retches.

“That’s disgusting,” he snaps, pulling away. “Go brush your teeth. Or are you turning into Oluo?”

Eren only hums, rocking back and forth on his heels. When Levi narrows his eyes at him the boy only grins, his canine teeth flashing. Eren loves everything about a fresh kill, loves ripping flesh and bone apart to shreds beneath his claws and his teeth. He needs to learn more control, Levi says, but Eren loves the high, loves the scent and the taste and loves, loves Levi.

He can’t help but want to share it with the older man, you see.

“Whatever.” Levi mumbles, turning away as their clean-up crew arrives, all in freshly scrubbed suits. Their faces are covered with masks, but Eren knows the smell is still strong. He breathes it in, feels the tang of iron filling up his nostrils.

“Come, Eren,” the black-haired man says, stepping over a stain on the warehouse floor. “Let’s head back.”

Eren follows, tail wagging.

 

                       

 

 

They call him Levi’s Bloodhound.

The name is only partially true, and Eren laughs at it. He is a hound, yes, some kind of bloodthirsty werewolf that Levi has let loose on several occasions—mostly as a last resort, because there is no mercy for those who have wronged the ones Eren loves. Still, he likes to consider himself Levi’s favorite (this is true and widely-known) and his right hand (this is disputable).

Sure, he doesn’t exactly help with the brains of their operations, but he _is_ there. During meetings with rival groups he likes to intimidate. He slinks behind Levi’s chair, a fierce shadow with piercing green eyes and sharp teeth. On routine meetings with the members of their own group he likes to sit at Levi’s feet, curled up in a wolf body. Occasionally, Levi will pet him, and he will be content.

It’s almost domestic.

Later that night Levi will pin him down against the bed and press his lips against Eren’s throat, against his pulse. Eren will let him. Levi’s teeth will graze his skin and bite into the space between his shoulder and his neck, and Eren will shiver even though he is warm, warmer to the touch of Levi’s tongue.

Levi is a strong man, the strongest Eren has ever known, but he can still be torn to shreds with Eren’s fangs. And Levi’s hands may be small but they never shake. He can still slice Eren’s neck open and kill him, kill him.

Eren will let him.

There is no one else to do it.

 

 

 

 

“Mission successful, Boss,” Erd says. “We’re still indexing everything but a full report will be available before midnight.”

He clenches his hand into a fist, beats his chest, and salutes Levi. Levi gives him a nod from his place on the bed. Eren sits next to him.

Erd is dismissed from the room.

Today, Levi’s hands have been stained redder than ever.

Eren gently cradles Levi’s wrist. He presses his mouth against Levi’s fingers, kisses his knuckles and the back of his hand. His lips are soft and his eyes are vibrant, glowing with adrenalin.

When he looks up at the older man, Eren almost purrs.

“You were reckless today,” Levi says, the edges of his mouth curling down in distaste.

“I’m a monster.” Eren replies, cocking his head to the side. Even when hunched over he is large, with a broad chest and a broad back and long limbs. He is young, and his face is soft, but his eyes are dangerous. He is a monster, and that must be explanation enough.

Levi flicks him on the forehead. Eren whines instead of snarls, and Levi can’t fight back the fondness that blooms in his chest.

“We’re both monsters, you idiot,” the black-haired man says. “But that doesn’t mean we have to be alone.”

“You mean you were afraid to lose me,” Eren says, voice sweet. He leans forward, aching for a kiss. Levi turns his head and grips Eren’s hands, digs his nails into the boy’s palms.

Eren kisses him on the cheek.

Levi’s grip slackens, but he presses himself against the brown-haired shifter instead. Eren embraces him, wraps his arms and legs around him because he never wants to let go. Levi breathes in his scent, buries his face in Eren’s shoulder and then in Eren’s chest.

Levi is not a good man. He is a crime lord, a murderer (because he prefers to do it himself), a thief.

If Eren dies under hands other than his own, he will—

He buries his hands in Eren’s hair and remembers all the filth he’s purged off this city, all the pigs he’s slaughtered.

He brings a hand in between them to unbutton Eren’s shirt. Eren grumbles against him, stroking Levi’s back.

At least he can sleep in tomorrow. Tonight, there is only the two of them.

 

 

 

 

On the night of a full moon Eren howls.

He is used to this.

Turning is not particularly painful—it used to be, but he’s gotten used to it now—but rather an inconvenience. Eren loves his human form, wild tail and furry ears and all. Still.

He whimpers.

There is something about the moonlight that heightens his senses and puts him on edge. Eren is nervous and more prone to losing control on these nights, even though it hasn’t happened in a long time. He likes being a controlled predator, having enough sense to _feel_ the hunt as it drags on.

Waking up to carnage and blank memories has always led to more trouble than anything else.

(He remembers being nine and gripping a knife with human hands—that night he had taken his first two lives with relish. The blood had bloomed between his fingers and those human-shaped beasts were dead, they were _punished_. Eren is also a human-shaped beast, but he knows good and evil, and he wants to kill those filthy monsters—kill them all killthemall _killthemall_ )

He paces on all fours, head jerking to get rid of the fuzziness in his mind. Levi approaches him and Eren wants to dart away, wants to bite something, wants to growl, wants to eat fresh meat that drips from the bone—

Levi’s hands are soothing as they run through Eren’s fur, and the wolf lets out a pleased growl. Levi sits on the floor next to him, quiet and solid against Eren’s body.

“Tonight’s rough, isn’t it?” Levi mutters absentmindedly. He scratches under Eren’s chin. The wolf nuzzles his hand and then paws at his chest. Levi sighs.

He’ll have to sleep on the floor tonight.

 

 

 

 

The city burns. Black smoke billows out into the sky and disappears into the heavy clouds.

Eren digs the toe of his boot into an inch of snow. They stand on a cliff overlooking the fire. It’s their final warning—this is what Oluo calls it and at that term Levi scoffs.

The night is long and heavy. It will be a cold winter, but the fire can keep someone warm in their last moments, Levi thinks.

It is almost a cruel, cowardly act to attack at night when people are asleep and vulnerable, but sometimes when there are no options left, when something is so broken that it can no longer be fixed...

Sometimes you need to burn everything to the ground. Destruction is necessary to rebuild, Erwin had suggested, and for once Levi agrees.

A cold wind blows, whistling through the trees. Levi shivers, but Eren is warm at his side. He wraps an arm around Levi and brushes off the cold with a soft caress at the older man’s nape.

When Levi looks up at him, Eren’s eyes are blazing like the fire.

There is a promise in them, and Levi nods once in reply.

 

 

 

 

Levi spits out blood and brandishes a knife.

He sinks the blade into the attacker’s chest, twists it deeper and then jerks it out. The man gasps and almost crumbles, falling onto his knees.

Levi kicks him to the side. The man reaches out for Levi’s ankle, his long fingers clawing at thin air. He is close, closer—

There is the crunch of bone and a scream of agony. Eren’s teeth are bared and he bristles. His eyes are wide and frenzied. He is a mad demon under candle light, but even now he knows control.

He presses down on the intruder’s knee with his foot. He wants to pull out the man’s tongue to shut up his anguished scream. A misshapen leg presses against the fabric of the man’s darkening trousers.

Eren growls, the sound low in his throat.

“Don’t touch him.” Eren commands, his words almost eaten by an animalistic grunt. At times like this Levi thinks he is most beautiful, when he lets the monster inside free. However.

“Eren,” Levi calls out. He’s already alerted the rest of his special team to deal with this minor commotion. “We have other things to do.”

The younger man spares their bleeding intruder another snarl.

“ _Eren_.”

He bounces off, but not without another kick against fractured bone. The man on the floor howls, and Levi wants to knock him out just so he’ll shut up.

“I don’t recognize that man,” the werewolf grumbles. “How do you think he got in so easily?”

“I don’t know,” Levi growls back, his eyes narrowed. “But it won’t happen again.”

“Maybe we have a traitor.”

Eren laughs and dances around Levi, his tall body slinking like a shadow. He wraps his arms around the older man’s torso and nuzzles his nose against the side of his face.

“Nothing exciting has happened for a while. It was kind of fun, actually.” He says, ears twitching.

“It’s a nuisance, that’s what it is.” Levi replies. He tugs at Eren’s hair. “We’re in the middle of a fucking corridor. Let me go.”

Eren whines, burrowing his face into Levi’s hair.

“You can do whatever you want when we get back to the room.” Levi tells him, voice level. He gently scratches Eren’s scalp, tries not to melt against the younger man’s warmth, and then trails his fingers softly against Eren’s nape.

Eren bares his teeth. He growls and tries to nip Levi’s ear, but the older man is faster. He slides out of Eren’s grip and pulls him down by the collar until they see each other eye to eye.

The werewolf’s eyes are twinkling. His lips twitch upwards. Levi’s gaze trails down to his mouth before he looks back up again, meeting Eren’s vibrant green irises.

“Bedroom, you mutt.” Is all he says, before releasing Eren and sauntering away.

Eren trots after him.

“And take off your shoes. You’re trailing blood on the floor. You’re cleaning that.”

“All right, all right.”

 

 

 

 

Levi fucks him rough because that’s how both of them like it. Eren adores the feel of the older man pulling at his hair, mouthing at every inch of his skin, and thrusting into him like every time will be their last. There is a fine line between pain and pleasure, and in this life they dance around it until the boundary doesn’t even exist.

He knows Levi likes hearing him howl in an animal’s language, likes it when he screams his throat raw into the cool air on those desperate nights, even likes it when Eren whimpers into the sheets, into Levi’s neck, into the dark secrets that only exist between the two of them.

But there are slow and quiet days as well, when Levi runs his hands across Eren’s chest and arms, fingertips tracing patterns on his legs and on his jawbone, cheeks. On these nights Levi will press tender kisses all over his skin, and Eren will be warmer than fire and he will ache, but it is not from the desperation of wanting a firm touch—it will be from the softness that Levi shows to him, only to him.

“You’re beautiful, Eren,” Levi whispers reverently. He licks a stripe up the underside of Eren’s thigh and the younger man shivers. “You’re so beautiful.”

Their eyes meet—Eren’s wild green and Levi’s dangerous gray—and there is pure surrender.

When they lie together in the dark, Levi grumbling about being too tired to bathe, Eren laughs at him and rests his tail on the older man’s stomach, pinning him there so he can kiss him all over his face. Levi only sighs at his enthusiasm.

Eren likes biting, even when they’re sticky and exhausted. He nibbles at Levi’s lip and his neck and his chest and his fingers, and Levi supposes it’s sweet that he wants to draw blood but doesn’t.

 

 

 

 

When Eren opens his eyes he is surprised at the brightness.

They’re in a forest. The trees are thick around them, yet sunlight filters in with ease. Eren sits up and winces, feeling something burn at his side.

“Nice to see you’re finally awake,” Levi says beside him. Eren turns his head and sees Levi propped up against a tree. The man is abnormally pale, and his arms are wrapped in bandages. There are dark circles underneath his eyes, but even then they look at Eren with such softness.

Eren growls, crawling closer, but winces as pain shoots up his side again. Why doesn’t he remember what happened last night? Why are they hurt? Who is responsible for this?

Levi places a hand on his cheek. He smoothens out Eren’s hair, scratches around his twitching ears.

“We need to work on your training,” Levi says. He speaks matter-of-factly, and for a moment Eren is confused.

Then it hits him.

He pulls back, ears flattened in shame and guilt and pain.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, Levi—“ Eren looks down at his hands, sees blood caked underneath his nails.

Levi pulls him into his lap. Eren tumbles ungracefully and both of them wince, but Eren stretches out and sits up carefully. Levi traps him there, stares up at him with beady gunsilver eyes, and Eren can’t breathe.

“Breathe, Eren,” Levi says, pressing their foreheads together. “Breathe.”

He breathes.

“You can’t break me that easily, you know,” Levi continues. He strokes Eren’s hair and gives a very small smile. Eren shakes in his lap. If this happens again—

“It won’t happen again.” Levi reassures him. He presses his lips against Eren’s gently. It’s a fleeting touch, and Eren almost misses it. Levi’s breaths are ticklish against his cheek. “We just need to work harder. But I’m here, Eren. I’m here.”

Levi is the only one Eren doesn’t want to hurt, even on those difficult nights, even when his skin rubs him the wrong way and he wants to tear something apart _apart **apart**_ with just his teeth.

(There used to be others too. But Armin and Mikasa are merely memories, and they were too beautiful for this new world anyway. Some days Eren sees himself in the mirror and feels guilty that he’s glad that they’re gone, that they can’t see him like this. Only Levi sees him, but the man loves him; he is a monster like Eren, a monster wearing human skin and built on human bones—they have each other’s hearts gripped in their bloody hands)

“It’s just the two of us,” Eren whispers, grasping the sides of Levi’s face. If it means living together happily ever after, Eren thinks, he would gladly burn everything to the ground and rip out the rest with his claws.

Levi is tethered to his underground empire and Eren is tethered to Levi. Eren is a beast with nothing but a loyal heart that bleeds black—

“It’s just the two of us.” Levi repeats.

“I’m so, so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m—”

“Don’t be sorry. Learn control.” Levi’s hands ghost over Eren’s back, brush over his spine and the back of his neck. “I’m here.”

Eren bares his fangs and ignores the bloodlust pumping through his veins.

“I will learn it. I won’t. I won’t disappoint you.”

Levi’s lips quirk up in a crooked smile.

From several feet away, Eren can already smell smoke. It’s thick and heavy, and it’s as sour as a corpse.

He wants to laugh, but out of happiness or exhilaration or nervousness or madness he can’t tell.

All that Eren knows is that he’s done something very, very horrible, and yet Levi continues to cradle him like he means the world.

“I love you,” Eren whispers into Levi’s mouth. “I love you,” he repeats against the man’s tongue, against his calloused touch, against the taste of smoke and blood and black tea.

Only a monster can love a monster.

This is a promise.


End file.
